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"We Knights value individuality. We are a gathering of individuals, and we do not unite. But I want to believe that through the experience we’ve gained from many, many battles, we have formed a bond between us. I want to believe we’ve become comrades with the same will. No, that we have become like a family."

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heavyliesthecrown

{ PRIVATE MESSAGES | CALLS }

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

heavyliesthecrown

. . . Did you have to throw that back into my face?

[Quietly. Hurt. Everything, including whatever good cheer he had a moment ago abruptly vanishes.]

You could have said anything. But chose to pick something that would cut like a knife.

[ . . . He feels a little shell-shocked by it, in fact. It isn't even what he did in the past that is so upsetting now. It is the way it is being used against his heart.]

At least do not shame or weaponize my feelings.

[He swallows the ache down, the anger at being shamed, and turns to return to Bluebell.]

From:

strateelgic

[Reaches out quickly to grab him and pull him into his arms.]

From:

heavyliesthecrown

[He wants to push him away. He lifts his hands to do so, set on forcing some distance between them while the sting of those words sizzles fresh against his heart like an open wound.

In the end, he simply remains still, his head against the eel's chest while he holds him.

Why would he say that?

He has barely recovered from the deep ache that has pounded in his chest the last couple of days. It's like pulling the dressings off and digging into the wounds. He already ruminated over this very fact for so long himself and wrestled with it.

In the end, it didn't matter. He couldn't fight against how he felt. It just happened with no discernable explanation. And no one, no matter who they are, can control how their heart feels one way or another. Their actions and choices, sure. But never how it feels.]

Do not do that again.

[His fingers curl and he swallows.]

. . . If you say something like that, I do not know what to think.

[ He pulls back a little. Not out of his arms, but enough so that he can stare down and gather himself back up.]

Either you must think of me as an utter fool; someone stupid and hopeless, an amusement maybe with little intelligence who has been a clown this entire time for staying around you.

Or, your opinion of yourself is negative enough that you do not feel you deserve to be loved... whether by a friend or someone more. That you write yourself off as an entity of darkness that will crush the light if it comes too close. So instead, you push it away or keep it at a polite distance.

[Quietly he shakes his head.]

. . . I can accept it if you do not share the same feelings. Just please do not trample my own.

From:

strateelgic

You are certainly some of those things.

[But his grip around the other teen tightens.]

I don't think of myself that way, however. I simply know who I am, and who I am can't give you what you want.

That doesn't mean I don't care. I worry for you because you have an ego as large as some mages I know and are too easily willing to put yourself in danger. If we had met back in my world, my dorm would have eaten you alive - figuratively, at least.

But you've also weaseled your way into being my friend somehow, something I have scant few of at home. Your ridiculous stubbornness means I haven't scared you away, which means I have to care about you.

You can't befriend everyone, little cat. You'll come across something one day that will see your bright little smile and devour you whole. So I want you to look out for yourself better, so I don't have to tear you free from the belly of a monster.

From:

heavyliesthecrown

[For the first time since their conversation took a nose dive, the stiffness in Crescendo's body softens and then melts away. The hurt abates. Squeezed tightly against the taller teen, his arms eventually shift to wrap around his larger frame in a return hug.

Just for a moment, he wants to stay like this.]

. . . You really are a worrywart.

[Spoken against him. Despite how he would protest it, Leviathan is kinder than he would give himself credit for. He doesn't mean his words dismissively.]

I have made some mistakes in the past. Countless times I have slipped up, but that does not mean I am not learning and growing.

[He isn't perfect, but no one is. Still, he wants to believe he has made progress since his arrival.]

Every day I practice. Tirelessly, I have sought to improve, and only with help or guidance do I enter into situations where some danger might present itself, like the mist, or even the water.

[He's been doing as he's been instructed all this time.]

I am trying. I promise. Please have a little faith in me, too. I may not be where I would like to be yet. But I am better than I was yesterday, and better than the day before that.

[He finally pulls back to tip his head and glances up at him.]

Can you at least believe in that?

From:

strateelgic

[Gently ruffles the boy's hair.]

I have faith that you'll always do your best.

[Whether or not that's enough is up to fate to decide.]

You did keep my body safe under duress, after all.

From:

heavyliesthecrown

. . . Tattoo aside.

[He can manage a faint joke again, as his ears flick beneath the hand ruffling his fur and hair.]

Anyway, it was more like you kept your own body safe if you mean the game. But I certainly meant to try.

[ . . . ]

. . . I would not have allowed the worst to befall you, though. I have a trick up my sleeve. If we ever find ourselves in the worst sort of situation, I will get us out of it for sure.

From:

strateelgic

Oho, a trick? Now you'll have me concerned again.

[But also please amuse him.]

From:

heavyliesthecrown

It is a secret, and best kept that way. But rest assured I am being careful and have no plans of using anything if it can be helped.

You will just have to depend on my natural charm.