"We Knights value individuality. We are a gathering of individuals, and we do not unite. But I want to believe that through the experience we’ve gained from many, many battles, we have formed a bond between us. I want to believe we’ve become comrades with the same will. No, that we have become like a family."
Day 78
Date: 2024-05-07 00:45 (UTC)Oye, are you ready to have that talk now?
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-07 17:19 (UTC)Ah... yes. I suppose that I am. I am afraid I am a little off my game today, so please be forgiving of that. But I would, indeed, like to sort things out.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-08 00:46 (UTC)Yeah, of course. Are you okay though?
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-08 02:17 (UTC)[Quietly, though honest.]
The story Bluebell received was... quite harsh. It was so bizarre in contrast to the story we submitted, which was quite gentle in nature.
[A happy sort of fairytale.]
We were relentlessly pursued by an Eldritch Beast for three days and nights without rest and fought until we could barely stand or breathe. I was so tired by the time the game drew to a close, I completely collapsed.
[It wasn't how he had envisioned finishing his birthday party.]
I confess I am heartbroken that the wish I made in context to the story is not something that was ever truly going to be granted, despite having been made to believe it would be.
[Believing that if he just survived, it would come true, was devastating to realize it never would.]
And, as selfish as this may sound, I am dispirited by the rituals in general. Despite having fought and struggled to survive for so long, and genuinely trying whenever these events happen, Bluebell... has unfortunately had some terrible luck. It is difficult to lose and lose again. Especially when a loss can often come with additional penalties.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-08 02:45 (UTC)Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-08 02:56 (UTC)1/2
Date: 2024-05-08 03:10 (UTC)Here's to hoping.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-08 03:10 (UTC)But anyway, um... First I want to ask; why do you think I got so upset when you showed up with new powers? I want to make sure we're on the same page about that before we actually talk about it.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-08 03:35 (UTC)Although you are asking me, I really do not understand it myself? If I am honest, I was taken aback. Since we are friends, I did somewhat think you might feel happy for me. I felt genuinely hurt that you had such a negative reaction.
[He'll speak honestly. He's still a little hurt. The only way to get through that though is to have an open conversation about it.]
It felt a little like I could not earnestly speak with you on such matters. Rather than treating me as a peer your age and a friend, it felt as though you were infantilizing me. I know I have spoken to you many times about my frustration and feelings of helplessness.
You have no idea what it is like to be told to sit and watch while people you care about fight. I want to be able to defend myself. I want to be able to work alongside everyone else if we find ourselves in a tricky situation.
Hoping that nothing will happen to me here is useless. Even if I do not wander out into the mist, we have been attacked here in the pasture on many occasions now. Personally... I still do not see anything wrong with seeking to become stronger. Not just because I find that a necessity here. I will not allow myself to be helpless if I can change it.
But also because I simply wanted it. I wanted the ability to use magic too. To make my life easier- to feel as though I am more than just a 'normie' who cannot do anything at all. Who is underestimated, told to sit aside like a good child, and await the others to take care of everything for them.
Nobody wants that. I certainly never asked for that. And I am most certainly not the only one here who feels that same frustration.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-08 04:24 (UTC)It's hard to talk to you about this because you get so mad whenever I worry at all. Even if I'm trying to encourage you, it feels like it's not enough for you, and now...
You showed up to a fight against a goddess—a fight I thought was going to be the most dangerous thing we ever did—with a bunch of new powers that you just got and had maybe a day of practice with. And you didn't even want to tell me where you got them from! What was I supposed to think? Did you really expect me to be excited about you going into a fight with powers you were inexperienced with?
It's not about thinking you're weak. If I thought that, why would I have suggested teaming up with a mage for your arrows? I just don't want you to be reckless and get yourself killed because all you can think about is proving yourself!
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-08 04:47 (UTC)[Even if he can't quite see how.]
We got sucked inside, somehow. Even I do not know why. Once in there, I did not have any other choice but to fight. If I talked anything up, it was because I was trying to be brave in the face of knowing we were in serious trouble.
1/3
Date: 2024-05-09 01:39 (UTC)And that isn't even what I wanted you to do. I said to stay on the back lines—where ranged fighters go. It's a safer place to be than up close.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-09 01:39 (UTC)But I'm still not okay with the fact that you got powers in the first place. It's not about the power itself; it's where you got them. It doesn't feel great that you tried to hide who gave them to you at first, and I talked to Minuet and he's never heard of the guy either. If it were someone that's been around a while that'd be one thing, but this guy wasn't even here for a week before you let him do whatever he did to give you powers.
None of us have any idea if he's trustworthy or not, and we care about you so of course it makes us worry.
[ also he looks like a literal demon!11 ]
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-09 01:39 (UTC)So you putting on a brave face and acting like everything was fine and you could handle yourself—and getting mad at me for not being excited... It really scared me.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-09 02:05 (UTC). . . I just wish you would have a little more faith in me.
[But he understands. He gets where he is coming from. It is alarming, he can see how it would be. Arms around his waist a little defensively, he relaxes a touch with a sigh and glances away.]
I understand. I get it... I did not mean to frighten you or upset anyone. I am sorry for it. I truly am. And I understand the reservations felt toward the individual who granted me the power itself.
[Glancing back over to him.]
I do not trust him. Even now. Perhaps... I felt a little pressured at the time, but. The powers I received are genuine. And I did not trade away my soul or anything that could bring harm to another person, either. I was very careful about it and intentional with what I said and did.
. . . He is suspicious. And creepy. And I do not endorse making strange deals without being as careful as possible. He has helped me to practice so that I would not immediately harm myself or someone else, though. And I... while I am highly critical of him, he has lent me his aid and help despite my being rather unpleasant toward him.
[He releases another stressed sigh.]
I am not sure what to say? I can only apologize for having upset and worried you. As for the rest... it is done now. I cannot change the past. I can only move forward with the differences now.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-10 00:53 (UTC)I think you've said the important parts already. I know you can't just undo it. I wouldn't ask you to go back to that guy anyway. I get that he's helped you out with some things, but you also said he's creepy and you don't trust him. You should trust your instincts about him and stay away.
Besides, I wanted to talk to you about combat practice anyway. Scarab needs an outlet, and you need a challenge a close to the real thing as you can get.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-11 01:28 (UTC)[He perks up a little, actually.]
Are you asking to spar?
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-11 02:10 (UTC)A little more intense than sparring. The reason everyone freaks out about you fighting is because you don't have a lot of experience in real combat, so I thought you could fight me and Scarab. I've got a ton of experience, and he's an entire combat system. You could go all out without worrying about it.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-11 17:26 (UTC)I can turn them into something like an explosion or narrow it down to something sharper, or create shields.
If I match the natural resonance and vibrations of an object, it can cause damage-- you know, like shattering glass, and certain frequencies can cause internal damage.
I am still figuring out how to use all of this properly...
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-11 18:49 (UTC)Besides, Scarab could use some practice dealing with some new techniques. He was designed to adapt to defend and counter any kind of attack, but we don't get a lot of chances to practice against anything new. Even if you can hurt us in the beginning, it'll get harder and harder to manage. We could really challenge each other.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-11 19:18 (UTC)I suppose that...whatever damage is done, we can always ensure the other is healed after.
And, so long as the eye is closed, on occasions such as that we have a little less to fear.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-11 19:32 (UTC)Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-15 02:38 (UTC)I really am sorry that I worried you. I appreciate that you care.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-17 22:43 (UTC)I know you do. And thanks for hearing me out in the first place.
Re: Day 78
Date: 2024-05-18 03:32 (UTC)Re: Day 78
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